


give my fears away

by Nochi



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Complete, First Kiss, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, investigation team more like wingman team, you can't catch me gay thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-08 17:44:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15248565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nochi/pseuds/Nochi
Summary: Facing yourself is an ongoing process.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A few things before we begin:  
> I have not played Golden OR watched the anime, so none of that applies here.  
> I could not find what I wanted to find about Golden Week so this is set in an AU where Golden Week is what it is here.  
> This is my first non-drabble P4 fic, pls be nice to me.
> 
> Loosely inspired by shortonegaming's playthrough of Persona 4 New Days.

They were all gathered on the train platform. The Investigation Team, Dojima and Nanako, and the departing Souji. They'd taken turns giving their hugs and saying their goodbyes (some more tearful than others), and now it was just Souji and Yosuke, facing each other on the platform.

"So. Uh." Yosuke reached one hand behind his head, rubbing at his hair. Souji could see it sticking up as he mussed it. "I'm...we're gonna miss you, partner."

"Yeah." Souji's eyes dropped from Yosuke's head to his own feet. "I mean, it won't be _forever_."

"Of course not." Yosuke's response was sharp and quick. "It's just, y'know. It's still gonna be a while. Not knowing what's going on with you. It's gonna be weird, after spending basically every day together." The last was almost a mumble, directed at his sneakers.

"We'll do it again." In the far distance, Souji could hear the steady rhythm of an approaching train. Yosuke could hear it too, apparently, from the way his eyes cut sharply to the side.

"Be safe," he said quickly. "You gotta come back in one piece. F-for Nanako. And us. And you gotta call."

The others could hear the train now, evidenced by Nanako and Rise tearing up all over again.

"I will," Souji said. There was so much _else_ he wanted to say. _I couldn't have made it through this without you_.

 _I don't know what I'm going to do on my own_.

 _I don't want to leave you_.

But the train was approaching, louder and louder, the vibrations rumbling up through his feet to rattle his spine. Panic filled his chest and when he tried to force words through his lips he found his hand moving instead.

He grabbed the front of Yosuke's shirt and tugged him to a height more even with his own. In front of his family, their friends, God, and everyone, he kissed Yosuke full on the mouth.

The train doors opened. Souji pulled away from Yosuke, hand still fisted in his shirt. Yosuke's eyes were wide and uncomprehending. Souji could feel his heartbeat in his ears. At the very corner of his vision, he could see the blurry outline of Rise, hands clapped to her mouth.

The train doors opened. Souji released Yosuke's shirt and he stumbled backwards a few steps, gaze never leaving Souji’s face.

They froze like that for a few more moments, and then Souji's panic caught up with the rest of him and he darted onto the train. The last thing he saw - Yosuke's face, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape - burned into his memory, even as he collapsed into an aisle seat and buried his face in his hands.

* * *

  
Souji started back to school soon after his return to the city - not home, not anymore - sliding back into the familiar routines easily enough. The people he'd left behind, however, were harder to reconnect with. They didn't _know_ what he knew now. Didn't know the truth. About themselves, or anything else. He felt a little pretentious thinking that way, but he figured he'd earned it a little, after everything.

He picked up his phone about a dozen times in the first few weeks, scrolling to his text chain with Yosuke, and then closing back out. That lessened, as time went on, though he still kept in touch with the others. The most he heard of Yosuke was from Nanako, telling him he'd helped her and Dojima set up video calls, and that he still brought Teddie over sometimes.

He even stopped thinking about The Thing, as he was calling it in his mind. (The word "kiss" was forbidden, banished from his vocabulary until the heat death of the universe.) At least, he stopped thinking about it _all the time_. It went from occupying his every thought to just blindsiding him occasionally, usually at night as he was falling asleep. He wasn't sure which was worse.

Sometimes the memory resurfaced in his dreams. There it changed, morphed into things that definitely had not happened. Yosuke definitely had not wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, turning his head to deepen the kiss. Souji definitely had not pulled Yosuke even closer than before, feeling the heat trapped between their bodies.

And more than anything, Yosuke definitely had not pulled away, touching his forehead to Souji's, and said what Souji heard him say in his dream. That, even more than the kiss, was beyond the impossible.

There were other dreams, of things that definitely did not happen earlier in the year, but those were familiar by now. Those had happened about twice a week in Inaba, and at the time had been a welcome reprieve from the nightmares. Now they were just reminders of a friendship - a partnership - he was pretty sure he'd ruined forever.

There was one long weekend, around mid-April, where Rise came to visit. She called Souji from the train station, and he scrambled to make the house presentable before she arrived. (His parents, as usual, weren't home. He often wondered, with no small amount of bitterness, why they'd insisted he come back.)

He opened the door to a squeal of "Senpai!" and a tight hug around the neck. Souji was startled at first, then wrapped his arms around her in return. She'd brought Inaba with her, in the scent of her clothes - and the Aiya bag at her feet.

"This stuff travels surprisingly well," she said when he pointed it out. "I figured you'd want something from home."

She said it very firmly, like she was prepared to shout him down if he disagreed. He didn't, and wouldn't in a million years.

* * *

 

"So," she said, as he leaned back from the table feeling entirely too full and immensely satisfied. "Have you heard from Yosuke?"

He opened one eye to look at her. She was leaning on the table, chin resting in one hand, watching him patiently.

"No," he said simply, sitting back up.

"Didn't think so. Every time we start talking about you he goes all quiet and sulky until we change she subject." She sighed, an annoyed little huff of air. " _Boys_."

"Sorry." He leaned forward again, resting his forehead on the table between two empty bowls. After a moment, he felt Rise's fingers in his hair.

"Don't be. Confessions are never easy, and rarely go the way you want them to." The fingers still. "There were still about fifty ways you could have done that better."

"I _know_ ," Souji groaned. Rise's fingers went back to combing through his hair. "I've thought about most of them three million times since I left."

"He misses you," she said quietly. "He won't admit it, because he's confused and I think a little upset still, but he misses you. A little more than the rest of us."

Souji turned his head to look at her. "Even more than you?"

She flushed a little. "Yeah. More than me."

"...sorry," he said, sitting up. "About...that."

She shook her head. "The heart wants what it wants," she said simply, then frowned. "Which is a really stupid platitude, and I hate it, but it's just so fucking _accurate_ most of the time."

Souji laughed a little, leaning one elbow on the table and looking out the living room's small window. "I miss him too," he said quietly. "I miss all of you, obviously, but at least you're _talking_ to me."

"While we're indulging in platitudes," Rise said after a moment's hesitation. "That's a two-way street, Senpai."

He looked over at her. She was smiling, softly and a little sadly, and he gave a weary sigh.

"You're right," he responded. "You're always right."

"I know," she said, voice and smile turning chipper, and Souji couldn't help but laugh.

* * *

They spent the rest of the day out together, and Souji saw her off at the train station, feeling his heart sink as she took Inaba back with her.

Then he sat on a bench, staring at his phone where he'd pulled up his text chain with Yosuke for the five millionth time. With a deep breath, he started typing.

_Sorry about the train station._

No, that wasn't right. The time for non-awkward apologies had long since past, and anyway he wasn't sure there was a non-awkward way to even reference that day.

_I miss you._

Nope. Even though it was the truth, it was too familiar, too...intimate.

 _> >Hey, partner_.

He stared at the text. That seemed right. Neutral greeting. Reference to their mutual nickname - their friendship. A reset button. Nothing had changed.

Taking a deep breath and squeezing his eyes shut, he hit _send_. Then he stood, shoved his phone in his pocket, and started walking back to his apartment. At least walking home wasn't pacing around his living room, though most of his attention was still focused on the smooth weight of his phone in his pocket.


	2. Chapter 2

Yosuke stood frozen as the doors shut behind Souji, eventually raising one hand to his mouth. It was like he could still feel the press of lips there, an electric tingle lingering on his skin.

Slowly, he turned to face the others. They all looked as shocked as he did, though mingled in with most of them was a look of _knowing_ , as well, and that was what finally got him to move.

He darted past them, out of the train station, and didn't stop running until he was in his room, back pressed against the door. He hadn't escaped that electric sensation, though, and it distracted him through the whole rest of the week.

Pretty much the whole of Inaba was unbearable after that, even aside from the fact that they hadn't been the only people on the platform that day, and every single person in the whole stupid town was an insufferable gossip. That was bad enough, with the whispers and the disapproving looks he got. (Except for the chef at Aiya, who started giving him extra beef, curiously enough.) But at school, there was a void in front of him, where he should have sought comfort. At work, he avoided the food court like the plague, though the grocery section was almost equally as fraught.

And at home, Teddie kept wanting to _talk_ about it.

"I'm sure Sensei misses us," he was saying now, from his nook in the closet. Yosuke had a pillow over his face, and was wondering if suffocation would end this conversation or if the bear would follow him into the afterlife.

"I'm sure he does."

"Do you miss him?"

"Of course I do." The answer was automatic, and true. He wasn't avoiding large sections of his workplace because of what had happened at the train station. It honestly felt _wrong_ not to see Souji buying groceries or eating in the food court or just hanging out somewhere waiting for him to have a free moment.

"He'll be back," Teddie said confidently, and left it there when Yosuke didn't respond. Of course Souji would be back. Yosuke just wasn't certain how he felt about that, anymore.

He spent a lot of time staring at his phone. He'd pull up his text chain with Souji, reading and re-reading the texts they'd sent back and forth, trying to divine any additional meaning from any of it. It accomplished nothing, other than the fact that he could recite six months of conversation from memory now.

Every so often he would open the text field, stare at it for a few minutes, then close it back out. Even if he knew what to say, he didn't think he had the nerve to send it.

* * *

Life ground on, as it did, and the whispering eventually died down. (He still got extra beef at Aiya, though.) He set up Dojima's computer for video calls, and Nanako seemed to have been instructed not to say anything about _anything_ , as she did little more than hover around him with those big brown eyes.

He even discovered he could have two or three thoughts in a row that weren't about That Day. But that was when the dreams started.

They started on the train platform, with Souji's hand twisted in his shirt, and ended any number of places. Sometimes the shirt was still involved, sometimes not. The ultimate conclusion to all of them, however, was Yosuke waking up in the middle of the night, frustrated and bewildered.

Six months ago, he could say with certainty that those particular sequences would not have garnered the same reaction.

Though...the more he thought about it, the weaker that certainty became.

Rise found him after a particularly sleepless night, trying to eat himself to death at Aiya. She ordered what seemed to be her own weight in meat, asking them to wrap it securely.

"This some kind of new diet I haven't heard about?" Yosuke asked. She stuck her tongue out at him.

"I'm taking it to Senpai." He felt his face settle into a line, as it did whenever someone mentioned Souji around him these days. He didn't _mean_ to look like he was sulking, it was the fact that six or seven emotions happened at once, and his face just kind of...reset itself in response. He did remember now that Rise had mentioned the trip, since they had a long weekend and she was the only one without a prior obligation.

"Cool," was all he could come up with for a response. "Have fun."

"Is...there anything you want me to tell him?" A pause, and when Yosuke didn't say anything she went on. "I know you haven't spoken to him since he left."

A thousand possibilities went through his head, but they were all muffled by a single thought: _if he wanted to hear from me, he would have said something by now._

"No," he said quietly, and Rise didn't push. She murmured something he couldn't hear, gathered her order, and left.

Yosuke stared at the table for a long time, then ordered another beef bowl.

He spent a long time revisiting Rise's question, and found it tied back into his issues with the text message. What did he say? How did he break that particular patch of ice? Assuming Souji wanted to hear from him at all. Surely he'd have said something by now.

_He could be feeling as awkward as you are_. He frowned at that thought. It was hard to picture Souji being awkward about anything. His partner had always been collected, about everything.

...no. Not everything. He pulled back the mental curtain he'd put between himself and his memories of the train station, and peered through it at Souji's face. Eyes wide, cheeks flushed. The barest hint of mortal terror.

_Oh._

But that didn't help him with the problem of what to _say_.

He fiddled with his chopsticks, staring down at the mostly-eaten bowl, and finally lost his mental war with himself.

He ordered two more small bowls, to go this time, and headed out of Aiya and down the street to the textile shop.

* * *

 

The store was mostly empty - not many people buying cloth when the weather called for rain - and Kanji was able to get away easily enough. The two of them went up to Kanji's room, and Yosuke had to convince himself he was imagining the elder Tatsumi's eyes on his back as they left.

"Rainy days still make you all edgy too, huh?" Kanji said when he saw how rigidly Yosuke was holding himself.

"Huh? Oh, yeah." It wasn't necessarily untrue. Any kind of unseasonable rain had him staring at blank televisions well into the night. "Plus. You know."

Kanji grimmaced. "I hear you."

There was a time, Yosuke mused as they got settled with their food, that he would have rather thrown himself under a train ( _don't think about the train_ ) than gone up to Kanji's room alone. There would at least have been some very loud, but extremely casual mentions of video games or something, to make it seem "normal". Yosuke privately winced at his past self. He'd gotten a taste of his own medicine there, hadn't he?

"So what's up?" Kanji didn't look at him as he spoke, focused instead on his bowl.

Yosuke froze. This plan had seemed much simpler in his head.

"I. Uh. Rise went to see Souji today, huh?" The name felt odd and heavy in his mouth. Had he not said it since then?

"That's what she told me, yeah." Kanji looked up at him. "I gave her a coupla little things I knitted. He says his parents' place is totally empty, figured he could use something from home and I didn't wanna risk 'em getting lost in the mail."

"That's really cool," Yosuke said. He was more and more impressed with how easily Kanji talked about his yarn and fabric-based hobbies, though he could still see a line of tension in his shoulders when he talked about it in public.

"So what about you? You send anything with her?" Eyes back down on the bowl, so he didn't see Yosuke grimace.

"No," he mumbled.

"You talked to Senpai at all since the train station?"

"...no." Yosuke contemplated what it might take to fit entirely inside his beef bowl.

"Why not?"

"What do I _say?_ " The question was explosive, and Yosuke sat up, leaning forward. "'What's up, hope you like your new school, oh yeah by the way _what the fuck_ '?"

"Don't lean over the table with your fuckin' bowl, dude, I got patterns on there!" Kanji jumped up and carefully moved the stacks of paper to the bed. "And _yeah_ say that, if that's what you feel like saying!"

"I can't just - "

"The fuck'd we almost get our asses killed for if we're just gonna go back to hidin' everything we actually feel?" Kanji turned on Yosuke. "He kissed you 'cause that's what he _felt_ , the least you could do is return the fuckin' favor!"

"Yeah? How are you and Naoto these days?" Yosuke snapped back at him.

Kanji gave him a hard look. "Don't make fun of me just 'cause you can't get your shit together." He threw his hands in the air, exasperated. "Fuck, man, I was tryin' t' be chill an' everything, an' you gotta go sayin' stupid shit an' try to ruin my doll patterns."

Yosuke slumped back against the wall, resuming his sullen pose. "If he wanted to hear from me he'd have said something," he said, finally giving voice to the thought that had blocked him from picking up his phone so many times.

"It's _your turn_ , idiot, that's how a conversation _works_." Yosuke scowled, and Kanji mimicked the expression back at him.

Yosuke held out for a moment longer before sighing heavily, letting his head fall back against the wall with a _thud_. "You're right," he muttered.

"Fuck yeah I am," Kanji responded, sitting back down with his food.

"I actually originally came here to ask you what I should say," Yosuke continued, a small self-deprecative laugh escaping as he rubbed at his face with one hand. "And then I got caught up in my own shit. _Again_."

"Since you mentioned Naoto - " That was accompanied by a sharp look, and Yosuke winced. "We actually have been talkin' a lot. About...pretending." He lifted a piece of meat from the bowl and seemed to contemplate it for a long moment. "An' how after a while the pretendin' is easier than bein' real. She dumbs a lot of it down for me, but we manage to meet somewhere in the middle. Or, like, the lower third."

"We all went through that," Yosuke reminded him, and Kanji made a wobbling motion with his hand.

"Sorta," he said, mouth full. "Like, there's pretendin' about what you're feeling, an' there's pretending about what you _are_." He swallowed, reaching for his drink. "You and Chie-senpai and Yukiko-senpai had that first one. Me an' Naoto are more the second."

Yosuke reached for his own drink, more to give his hands something to do while his mind was a million miles away. He pulled back the mental curtain again, watched the scene play out. Tried to gauge what he had felt at the time. But all he came up with was "shock", and then "escape". If "escape" was an emotion. It wasn't fear - he knew fear. And it wasn't shame, which he'd thought it might be. But there was none of the desire for the floor to open up and eat him, or that he'd shrink down into nothing. Just...the extreme urge to be anywhere else.

"Can I pretend about what I feel if I don't _know_ what I feel?" he muttered, and Kanji caught his eye from across the table.

"Pretendin' is easier than bein' real," he said again, and Yosuke took a long pull on his drink.

* * *

 

Yosuke spent most of the day there, alternating between watching Kanji work on his projects and staring at the ceiling with his headphones on. He was breaking down the last year in his head, digging into every interaction he could recall, and how he had reacted to it. Comparing his reactions to Souji to any other interaction. It wasn't something he normally indulged in. He usually tired not to pay too much attention to what his emotions were doing at any given time. He treated them like stray dogs - if he fed them, they'd just keep coming _back_.

But his overall lack of reaction to the events at the train station ( _he kissed you, okay, this dancing around shit is getting ridiculous_ ) was bothering him badly. Somewhere along the line he'd started pretending so hard he forgot what _was_ real, even after facing his Shadow.

"Being real is too much work," he muttered at one point, and heard Kanji's "amen to that" through his headphones.

After a while, Kanji threw a wad of scrap fabric at him, and he pulled his headphones off of one ear as he sat up.

"I'm takin' these to Nanako." Kanji held up a few small dolls. "She helps me pick which ones to sell downstairs. Wanna come with?"

Yosuke hesitated. Nanako was precocious, to say the least, but she was still _five_ and therefore prone to ask questions he might not be prepared to answer.

Then he shrugged, rolling over so he could stand up. "Sure." Maybe he needed some straight-forward questions right now.

He leaned over to grab his phone. Just as his hand hovered over it, it vibrated, buzzing loudly against the floor.

He and Kanji both froze. "It's probably my mom," Yosuke said, attempting for "light" but ending up with "strangled". "I have been out all day."

Slowly, he drew his hand back, revealing the display.

_Hey, partner. <<_  
  



	3. Chapter 3

Yosuke practically felt the blood run from his face as he froze, still kneeling over his phone.

"Who's it from?" Kanji asked, nonchalantly packing the dolls into a small bag.

"M-my mom." The lie tumbled out automatically. "Asking where I am."

Kanji set the bag down and faced Yosuke, leaning his chin on one fist. "Text her back. Tell 'er yer with me."

Yosuke swore mentally.

"Don't want yer ma to worry about you."

"I'll call her from the Dojimas," Yosuke said, standing. It took two tries to pick his phone up, and on the second attempt Kanji was on him, wresting it out of his grasp.

"Dude!" Yosuke reached for the phone, Kanji holding him back with one elbow. "Not cool! Invasion of privacy!"

Kanji handed him the phone back. "You coulda just told me, dude."

Yosuke shoved it in his pocket. "Yeah, well. I panicked."

"You should answer him."

"What?" It came out as a squawk. "I can't just - what do I even - "

"Whatever you feel like," Kanji said, as though he was explaining something very simple to someone very stupid.

"I can't - I - I don't _know_ what I feel like." It came out as a hiss. "That's what I've spent all day on your floor trying to figure out!"

Kanji shrugged and turned towards his bag. "Your choice, dude."

Yosuke looked at the phone, then at Kanji's back. "This is you trying to be chill and not strangle me again, isn't it."

"You keep stalling and yer gonna find out."

Groaning loudly, Yosuke opened the phone, navigating to the text chain, with its new addition at the bottom.

_Hey, partner_.

It was such a neutral greeting it was impossible to read. And yet, just the sight of it made a warmth spread through his chest. Souji didn't hate him. He was _talking_ to him. Kind of. But what did he say back that wouldn't fuck this up?

_Long time no talk_?

No, that sounded like he was blaming him for not texting sooner, and he didn't have a whole lot of high ground there.

_How's the city?_

No, he might take that as passive aggression.

_Miss you_.

No. It was true, but it was too intimate - and added to the confusion already swirling in Yosuke's mind.

_> >Hey_.

It seemed lame, but it worked. Every bit as neutral as Souji's message, but was at least friendly. The only thing keeping him from adding _partner_ himself was the fear that repeating his exact message back at him might seem like mocking.

He closed his eyes, thumb hovering over the _send_ button. He took a deep breath. Two.

Then Kanji's thumb hovered over his and mashed it down onto the button.

"Hey!" It was another squawk, and Yosuke stared down at the screen with panic in his eyes.

"S'gonna get dark, dude, we gotta go."

"But - "

"Come _on_. Walking'll keep you from obsessing. Maybe." Kanji opened the door and headed downstairs, leaving Yosuke alone in his room. He stared at the text message for a few more moments before he managed to make his legs move and follow Kanji out the door.

* * *

 

"I take it back," Kanji said as Yosuke checked his phone again.

"I'm sorry if I'm a little anxious," Yosuke muttered. "The last conversation I had with him ended in a lip lock."

"I wouldn't expect a repeat, long-distance relationships are a bitch."

Yosuke looked up to see Kanji smirking and narrowed his eyes. "You were never like this before," he said flatly. "You never made fun of me like this."

"Wasn't any fun back then" Kanji admitted, rolling his shoulders in what Yosuke belatedly realized was discomfort. "Everything I said had you jumping out of your skin. I didn't wanna _actually_ scare you, just, y'know. Poke fun."

Yosuke looked back down at his phone, not really seeing it this time. "I was a dick," he said after a moment. "You didn't deserve that."

Kanji waved a hand dismissively. "I'm tryin' not t'get hung up on that kinda stuff anymore. Plus, I figure yer gettin' karma now."

"I don't think that's how karma works," Yosuke said, as Kanji dropped his arm easily across Yosuke's shoulders.

He tensed, mostly out of surprise, and had to quash his initial reaction to shove Kanji away. _This is exactly what he was talking about,_ he thought wearily, exasperated with himself as he forced his shoulders to relax.

It was actually a little nice, once he stopped thinking about it so much.

* * *

 

Souji's phone went off just as he reached his apartment. He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, pulling it out of his pocket, and was nearly bowled over by the person behind him.

"Sorry," he stammered, positioning himself more near the wall as the offended person continued on their way, muttering under their breath about damned teenagers and their damned phones.

Souji stared at the screen. It was Yosuke. He had replied. _He doesn't hate me_ , he thought with a profound mixture of awe and relief. It was just one word, a noncommittal "hey", but it was _something_ that wasn't "fuck off and never speak to me again".

The relief drained away as he realized it was his turn. He hadn't thought this far ahead. He leaned back against the wall, staring down at his phone, mind churning.

His mind flashed, suddenly, to one of the earliest conversations he'd had with Yosuke. When they first formed the Investigation Team. _I don't mind you being in charge_. Yosuke had been his second-in-command before he'd been anything else. Souji had implicitly, if not explicitly, left him in charge. It couldn't hurt to harken back to that, could it?

* * *

 

Yosuke tripped as his phone went off. Kanji's arm stayed around his shoulders as he yanked his phone out of his pocket, almost dropping it in his haste. The display showed Souji's message across the small screen:

_You taking care of everyone? <<_

Kanji gave a small snort, the breath ghosting across Yosuke's cheek. He jumped, not having realized Kanji was reading over his shoulder. "Yer barely takin' care of yourself right now."

"He doesn't need to know that," Yosuke protested, clutching the phone protectively. They started walking again, Yosuke relying on Kanji to guide him as he stared back down at the phone.

Souji _didn't_ need to know how fucked up Yosuke was over...everything. If nothing else he didn't want him to feel guilty. But he also had this ongoing project, where he was trying to stop lying to people. So he began typing, pace slowing as he concentrated on his words instead of his feet.

* * *

The elevator stopped, and Souji had one foot in the hall when his phone buzzed again. He managed to get his other foot through before the doors closed, and stood there as he checked the message. The hallway was wide enough people could go around him, at least.

_more lk there takin care of me haha <<_

Souji frowned. The easiest way to interpret that was that he had gone to their friends for advice after The Thing. He hoped that was what it was; the alternative was that he was hurt somehow. Physically, anyway. He might be hurt in others ways, that might be more Souji's fault.

His first instinct was to apologize. He pushed it away. There was no sense in taking the blame for a problem he wasn't even sure existed.

So he went with the thing he was happy about, instead.

* * *

 

Yosuke stopped walking again and Kanji groaned.

"Dude, we're literally at their gate."

"Shut up, I don't wanna do this inside." He opened the message, smiling at the response Souji had sent.

_Glad to hear you're all sticking together. <<_

"Get a room," Kanji muttered, withdrawing his arm (cuffing Yosuke gently on the back of the head as he went) and moving to open the gate.

"With my phone?"

"I'm waitin' fer you to start makin' out with it," Kanji said, stepping through the gate and into the Dojimas' yard.

"Kanji!" Nanako called out cheerfully as she opened the door, apparently having seen them through the front window. "And Yosuke!" She smiled at him as well, but then started peering around him.

"No Teddie today," Yosuke said, smiling at her. "I was with Kanji all day. Next time, though, for sure."

"Okay." It was the soft, sad "okay" Nanako gave when it wasn't, really, but she knew there wasn't anything she could do about it. Yosuke resolved to bring Teddie over the very next day.

She frowned at the ground, brow furrowed, as they walked into the house together. Kanji started laying the dolls he'd made out across the kitchen table, Yosuke taking up residence in the living room, staring at his phone again. Nanako and Kanji started talking animatedly about dolls and fabric, and it faded into the background as he contemplated the message again.

"What else were we gonna do?" he muttered to himself, tapping the phone against his palm. Then he paused, shrugged, and started typing.

* * *

 

Souji flipped open his phone almost before it finished vibrating, having kept it in his hand as he picked up the debris of having had a guest. He still had the Aiya bag in his other hand as he read through Yosuke's new message:

_wat else were we gonna do? gotta keep the ship afloat til u get back <<_

Souji grinned more widely than was probably warranted. A few different things had come together with this last message. One, the team was staying together, even after the case was solved. Two, Yosuke was still texting him normally, which was to say with total disregard for the rules of language.

Three, he still expected him to come back. Wanted him to.

He set the bag down and sank into a kitchen chair, sure of his reply for the first time since this afternoon.

_As soon as I can. I miss you_.  <<

* * *

 

Yosuke stared at it, feeling his face grow flush. Any other time he would have assumed Souji meant _all_ of them. Collective "you". But recent events being what they were...

He glanced at the table, mostly to stop himself staring a hole through his phone, and found Nanako twisted around in her chair with a look of frustration, or maybe just concentration.

"What's wrong, Nanako-chan?" He sat up, concerned.

"Do you love my big bro?"

Behind her, Kanji froze halfway through setting a doll up against the sugar jar. Yosuke locked eyes with him for a moment, but found no sanctuary there.

"What makes you ask that?" Yosuke managed, though his voice was strangled.

"He kissed you," Nanako said. "Dad and my teachers and everybody say you do that with people you love." She turned around more fully in the chair. "So do you?"

"Ah..." Behind Nanako, Kanji hand one hand over his mouth, trying to stifle a laugh. Nanako hated nothing so much as she hated being laughed at, and she was being very serious night now. "I...that's a complicated question, Nanako."

"No it's not," Nanako said flatly. Yosuke remembered half an hour ago, when he thought straight-forward questions were something he would appreciate. The him of half an hour ago was an idiot.

"I'm gonna step outside a sec," Kanji said, voice high with suppressed laughter, and walked very quickly towards the door. Nanako turned to watch him leave, then looked back at Yosuke, whose mind was racing. Nanako clearly wasn't letting him go without an answer, which he simply didn't _have_.

"Here's the thing," he said, mostly to fill the growing silence. "Sometimes people don't...don't know how they feel, exactly. It's a big, complicated thing."

Nanako's nose wrinkled as she made a face at him. "Grownups are weird," she decided. "It should be easy to know if you love someone or not."

"Yeah," Yosuke said, looking down at his phone. "It should."

Nanako went to fetch Kanji ("Why are you crying? Are you okay?!") and Yosuke returned to staring at his phone. There were two ways he could reply to this. Speaking for the group, or speaking for himself. Both were true, obviously. But the longer they spoke, the deeper the ache in his chest was, and he dreaded the thought of returning to school, with the desk empty in front of him that shouldn't have been. He missed his friend. He knew that. He missed his partner, his leader. He missed Souji.

It should have been that simple. It really, _really_ wasn't.

* * *

 

Souji had collapsed at the table, head buried under his arms. He had realized the alternate interpretation of what he'd sent about a quarter-second after he sent it, and had been drowning in mortal terror ever since. He was gonna scare him off. He was never gonna talk to him again. He'd go home and Yosuke would put himself on the opposite side of town for the entire week.

His phone buzzed against the table.

Souji's head shot up, his hand only a second behind, and he opened the text chain with a quiet sort of desperation in his chest.

_miss u 2. we all do <<_

His eyes closed, and he dropped his head back. Yosuke missed him. Everyone missed him, and he missed them, but _Yosuke missed him._ And he missed Yosuke. Knowing now that he hadn't lost his friend, he missed him terribly, an ache he couldn't describe. There was a hole beside him, empty air where he should have had backup. Where he should have had his partner.

But he'd be back. Hell or high water, he'd be back.

* * *

 

Yosuke was walking home with Kanji in the near-dark when his phone went off again. He'd summarized the conversation as they'd walked, and Kanji had a sort of half-smile on his face. Not the feral one he was prone to when his temper flared, but the one he gave his friends when he was preparing to back them up.

"Sounds like things are going good."

"I hope so," Yosuke muttered, navigating to his text messages.

_I'll be there for Golden Week if I have to walk. <<_

Yosuke laughed, his face lighting up. Kanji just shook his head and kept walking, looking back every so often to make sure Yosuke was still behind him.

* * *

 

_i'll come get u <<_

_u can ride on the handlebars_ _< <_

Souji laughed out loud in the silence of his empty kitchen, remembering the last time Yosuke had offered. His bike had _just_ crashed, and he was still so confident in its ability.

He was like that with everything, Souji had learned since.

The state of the house went totally ignored as Souji happily finalized his two-wheeled travel plans, smiling at his phone as the sun set outside the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now featuring language problems that likely would not happen in any language but English.


	4. Chapter 4

The weeks ticked by, and the end of April came sooner than Souji expected, while at the same time taking forever to arrive. His texts became little more than a countdown anticpating his return, and it left him with a giddy sort of anticipation.

He got one last text from Yosuke, the night before he was set to leave.

_cnt wait 2 c u, partner <<_

It made a little warm weight settle in his chest, right next to a growing sense of anxiety. They'd fallen right back into their old routines, old familiar behaviors and jokes. Which Souji didn't dislike, exactly, but it made him worry about what might happen the next time they saw each other face to face. What might _not_ happen. If things would be the same when they were breathing the same air again, or if they'd changed irreparably in either direction.

He left his parents a note reminding them where he was going (he'd told them, of course, but who knew what they did and didn't remember) and took the early train to Yasoinaba.

It was a long ride, and it was very early, but he found he just couldn't doze off. The little ball of anxiety was bouncing around his ribcage, keeping him awake and his fingers drumming on the arm of his seat. He kept one eye on his phone, counting down the time until he reached home. It was not lost on him that he was returning to the station where the whole mess had started - both of them. It didn't do anything for the anxiety superball.

Out the window, as the sun was just starting to peak over the town, he watched the station grow closer and closer, and the small throng of people grow larger and more defined. He spotted Yukiko and Chie first, bright red and green against a brown backdrop, then the others slowly revealed themselves.

He was the last off the train, due to a half-second too long spent smiling at the sight of everyone grouped together again. Nanako almost knocked him back onto it as she threw herself at his waist.

"Big bro!" she cried happily, looking up at him with the start of tears in her eyes. "You came back!"

"Of course I did," he said, leaning down to pick her up. "I promised, didn't I?"

He carried her back to the group, who thoughtfully waited for him to set her down before rushing in for a group hug.

"We missed you!" Rise squealed, making his ear ring a little. Then, more quietly. "Yosuke's dad wouldn't let him off work to come here. Yosuke's tearing his hair out over it."

Yosuke had mentioned a few times that his dad was being harder on him than usual. It had never occured to Souji that it might be _his fault_ , and he felt panic grip his chest.

"Is he - "

"He's fine," Rise said, and then Kanji was bellowing for her to quit hogging him and make room for everyone else.

Souji let the mass envelop him, trying not to feel Yosuke's absence so keenly, and only mostly succeeding.

* * *

 Yosuke's dad just kept finding more stupid shit for him to do, and Yosuke was about to throw himself at a tv just on the off chance he'd fall through.

"My shift ended an hour ago!" he protested when his dad pointed to the loading dock.

"I'll approve the overtime," came the response. "Come on, Golden Week is busy for us, you know that."

His dad walked away, and Yosuke headed for the loading dock, muttering darkly under his breath.

It was not Junes policy to drop-kick boxes of festival decorations out of the truck and onto the concrete dock. Yosuke was of the opinion that Junes could go fuck itself, at the moment. He _knew_ what this was. His dad had been cagey ever since the fucking gossips had started muttering about what they saw at the train station. His mom not so much, thankfully, but she didn't have the sway here that she did at home, and this was the logical extention of whatever his dad was trying to do.

He had time to think while he kicked boxes that he imagined had his dad's face plastered across them. He should have been there, on the train platform. He knew the others would explain but he should have _been there_ , Souji was his friend and he should have been there to welcome him home, not here, doing busy work literally any other employee could be doing.

But part of him was relieved. Part of him was glad he didn't have to face that particular situation yet. "Situation" being code for Souji, and Youske's still-tangled feelings about him. He was a little mad at that part. He shouldn't have been _relieved_ about not being there for his friend. But there it was.

When the last box sailed across the loading dock, he tried to sneak across the store to the employee's office so he could clock out without his dad noticing. He was nearly there when he spotted the man coming down the aisle towards him.

Just when he had resigned himself to sorting the canned food alphabetically, someone called out, and his dad diverted down a side aisle to speak with them. With a huge sigh of relief, he darted into the office and finally, blessedly, went off the clock.

(As he darted through the front door, he spotted one of the part-timers he never really interacted with, as she was a bit older than him. She caught his eye and winked, jerking a thumb towards the door.

"Go get 'em," she whispered, and Yosuke felt his entire face turn red, up to his ears.)

He did have every intention of going to the Dojimas', welcoming Souji home. But when he turned at the top of the street, seeing the glow of light through the windows, he froze. He stood there for a long moment, the world darkening around him, before he turned back and continued on his way home.

* * *

 The big festival wasn't until the end of the week, but the shopping district was already lively. They took up two tables at Aiya, the others staring in wonder at the side bowls of extra beef with Kanji and Souji's orders.

"Did you order extra?" Chie asked. They both shook their heads.

"I never do," Kanji said. "It's just kinda...there. Not gonna complain, that's fer sure."

"It's a shame Yosuke-senpai couldn't join us," Naoto said quietly, and Souji tried to convince himself she wasn't looking at him when she said it.

"His dad is being such an ass," Rise complained. "It's Golden Week! He should at least get one afternoon off."

Souji ducked his head, focusing very intently on his meal.

"You know what we should do?" Yukiko said, clapping her hands together. "After this, we should go to the Junes food court. We'll get drinks or something so they can't kick us out, and maybe we can hang out with Yosuke during his break."

"That's spiteful," Rise said. "I love it."

They finished their meals and headed across town, Souji in the back of the group, trying to ignore his heart pounding double-fast in his chest.

The staccato beat didn't let up as they crowded around their table in the Junes food court, milkshakes and other various beverages in hand. He was honestly starting to get a little mad about it. This was _Junes,_ bright white and tacky and familiar, it shouldn't be making him _anxious_.

Chie disappeared into the main building to find Yosuke and let him know they were there, and Souji tried to inconspicuously collapse in his chair.

"This is as much for him as it is you," Rise told him. Of course she'd seen him, she saw everything. "I was here earlier this morning and he was doing his best impression of a thundercloud. His dad can't keep him locked up in there forever, he _has_ to give him tomorrow off. But I think his head's gonna pop off if he doesn't see you before then."

"What makes you think it's me?" Souji barely got the question out before Chie was returning with Yosuke in tow.

"He's free!" she crowed. Rise had been giving Souji a look that very plainly told him not to be obtuse on purpose, but it went unnoticed as Yosuke and Souji locked eyes for the first time in a month.

"Hey," Yosuke said weakly.

"Hi," was Souji's witty rejoinder.

A hush fell over the group as they watched the two. Kanji was the first to break.

"If one of y'all doesn't hug the other I'm gonna duct-tape you together," he growled, and it startled Souji into standing. He moved around the table until he and Yosuke were in arm's reach, at which point Yosuke snatched Souji into a hug, thumping him on the back a little.

"Missed you, partner," he whispered, and even as Souji finally felt like he was home, with the final missing person greeting him at last, his heart sank.

Things were back to normal.

Yosuke spent the entire rest of the day kicking himself. He'd effectively reset everything. All the agonizing he'd done over how he felt and he shoved everything under the rug first chance he got? _Idiot._ The word repeated itself in his mind over and over as he joined the others in wandering the shopping district, watching them prepare for the festival.

He tried not to feel like Souji was avoiding him, but when he spent the entirety of the day on the opposite side of the group, Rise's arm hooked through his, it was hard not to feel that way. Oh, he knew Rise wasn't trying to cozy up to him the way she would have before. She was comforting him. Because Yosuke fucked up. She made _that_ clear in the annoyed glances she shot him every time the others weren't paying attention.

He made eye contact once, over a display at Yomenaido. Souji looked away after only a brief moment, and Yosuke felt a stone settle in the pit of his stomach.

He had to fix this.

* * *

 

Rise had her arm hooked through Souji's through most of the trip through the shopping district. Every so often he heard her huff under her breath, and at least once he heard it take the form of an annoyed _Boys!_

He made eye contact with Yosuke once, over a display at Yomenaido. There was something in Yosuke's expression, something pained and...regretful, maybe, that made his stomach flip a little with hope.

Anxiety took over a second later, and he looked away. Hope was still fluttering in there somewhere, but he'd had hope all last year, too, and what had that come to?

They piled into the Dojimas' at one point, finding Nanako standing in front of the fridge, frowning, with a carton of eggs in her hand. She lit up when the saw the group.

"What's the long face for?" Yukiko asked, kneeling in front of her.

Nanako held up the carton of eggs. "I think I bought too much today. I can't fit these in there."

"You're still doing the shopping?" Souji asked, an edge of irritation starting in his voice.

"Dad helps!" Nanako said quickly. "He's just busy today, because of the festival."

"If the fridge is too full," Chie said thoughtfully, "It only makes sense to empty it, right?"

A look passed around the group, and they descended on the kitchen, Nanako crying over the din for them not to eat _everything_.

Souji excused himself at one point, saying he wanted to change out of the clothes he'd been in since dawn. He headed up the stairs, and Rise jammed her elbow into Yosuke's ribs.

"Ow! What the hell?"

"Go after him!" she hissed, gesturing towards the stairs.

"I'm not going up there when he's changing clothes! That's just rude in general."

"Then wait in the hall! You gotta talk to him!" Rise started physically pushing him towards the stairs, and he finally agreed to her plan just to stop the fuss she was making.

Once in the hallway, though, he froze again. Just like he had the night before, just like he had in the food court. He could hear Souji in his room, the clacking of his suitcase latches, the rustle of clothing. He leaned against the wall, trying desperately not to remember some of the more specific dreams he'd had over the past month.

* * *

Souji emerged from his room, having acquired fresh clothes, to find Yosuke leaned against the wall, eyes shut.

"Yousuke?" His voice was quiet in the dimly-lit hall, and Yosuke's eyes flew open as he pushed off of the wall.

"Souji. I - ah." He rubbed at the back of his head, a habit Souji had always found hopelessly endearing, and this was no exception. "I...I wanted to talk to you."

"Yeah," Souji replied, stomach doing yet another small flip. "I wanted to talk to you too."

"We've been putting this off, huh." Yosuke gave a small, humorless laugh.

"I'm sorry." The words came out in a rush, and Yosuke looked surprised at Souji's outburst. "About The Thing."

Yosuke lifted an eyebrow. "The horror movie or that time you kissed me?"

The word "kissed" hung in the air between them, and Souji found himself fidgeting with the hem of this shirt.

"The second one," he muttered. "It was - "

"No big deal," Yosuke interrupted. "I'm sorry too. I...didn't react like I should have. So. Sorry."

"Oh," Souji said quietly. "I mean. I'm glad I didn't...that we're still friends." His voice had slowly dropped into a whisper as he spoke, and he was looking at his feet now.

"Of course," Yosuke said, and he voice seemed strangled, but Souji couldn't be sure, as it was being drowned out by the sound of his heartbeat in his ears. "Nothing could change that."

"Good to know," Souji said, looking back up. "We should probably...get back downstairs, huh?"

"Yeah," Yosuke said quietly. "Probably."

Souji went to walk past him, but Youske seemed rooted in place, and they wound up trying to dodge past each other for a moment before Souji made it to the stairs. The closeness was infuriating, and Souji rubbed both hands over his face as he made his way downstairs.

 _That settles that,_ he thought miserably, catching Rise's eye across the room. Seeing his expression, her face set into a firm line, and she glued herself to his side as they finished making dinner.

* * *

 Yosuke took a moment to thump his head lightly against the wall as Souji descended the stairs, and when he made his own way down Kanji practically teleported over to him, handing him a knife and a tomato.

"Bein' an idiot again, huh?" Kanji's voice was low, and Yosuke winced.

"Is it that obvious?"

"I think Rise's gonna set you on fire."

Yosuke risked a glance over his shoulder, and sure enough, Rise had been glaring at the back of his head. Making eye contact didn't deter her in the least, and he turned back to his tomato with a sigh.

"I just froze," he sighed, cutting into the fruit a little harder than was entirely necessary. "I always fucking _freeze_ , why do I _do that_?"

"First of all, stop that before you cut yerself," Kanji said sternly. "I'm not takin' you to the hospital. Second," and now his voice was kinder, "bein' real is work, remember?"

"Is it worth it?" Yosuke muttered. He was mostly being facetious, and irritated with himself, so he was surprised at the conviction in Kanji's voice when he replied.

"Absolutely. One hundred fuckin' percent."

* * *

 Souji was genuinely glad to have everyone back in his house, crowded into his living room with home-cooked food, though it didn't quite fill the hollow place in his stomach that had been there since his conversation with Yosuke.

"It's not fair," he groused quietly to Rise. "That shouldn't override my happiness at this." He gestured at the room around them, and she made an annoyed little huff through her nose.

"It's okay," she said darkly. "I'm gonna kill him for you."

"Don't," Souji said quietly, and she looked up at him in surprise. "He's allowed to feel how he feels." He looked over at her with a sad sort of smile on his face. "The heart what it wants. And doesn't want."

Her face folded into a little upset frown. "But he -"

"Rise-chan." He hand his hand over hers. "Thank you for your help. But it's enough, now."

"Boys!" She threw her hands up, nearly upending her plate, and stood to go stomping into the kitchen.

They were still cleaning up by the time Dojima got home, and he greeted them all warmly, thanking them for at least cleaning up after themselves.

"We saved you some!" Nanako said brightly, holding up the wrapped plate, and Dojima settled onto the sofa to eat, Nanako chattering happily next to him about everything she'd done with the others.

Souji followed the others outside, promising to meet up with them the next day.

"I'm doing stuff with Nanako during the day," he said. "I promised her a day just for her. But tomorrow night, definitely."

"We'll see you then!" Rise waved cheerfully as they walked away. Yosuke hung back, hands in his pockets.

"I missed this," he said quietly. "All of us together, making chaos in your uncle's house."

"He likes it," Souji replied, shrugging. "It makes Nanako happy."

"Yeah, I've been trying to bring Teddie over pretty often." Yosuke paused. His hands were clenched into fists, which is why they were in his pockets. "I missed you," he said quietly. "It hasn't been the same here without you."

There was another pause, during which Yosuke prayed fevrently for Souji to understand what he meant.

"I missed you too," he said finally. "It's...very lonely, without you around."

Yosuke damned the concept of plural "you". "Me being an idiot for that first couple of weeks didn't help, huh?" He laughed shortly. "Sorry about that, again. And that you had to be the one to text me."

"Rise bullied me into it," Souji said, smiling as he gave a one-shouldered shrug.

"She's been doing a lot of that lately," Yosuke said. The group was at the top of the hill and had paused there, presumably waiting on him.

"She has good intentions," Souji said quietly.

"I know," Yosuke responded in kind. "I, ah. I gotta catch up with the others."

"Yeah," Souji said. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Definitely." Yosuke turned to leave, paused with one foot turned away, and spun suddenly on his heel, grabbing Souji by the shoulders and pulling him into a tight hug.

It wasn't like the hug at Junes. This was almost a cling more than a hug, and one of his hands was tangled in the back of Souji's shirt. After a stunned moment, Souji wrapped his arms around Yosuke as well, burying his face in his shoulder.

It was a long moment where they stood there, wrapped up in each other. Yosuke pulled back first, and Souji looked up at him. Their faces were inches away from each other, the warmth of their bodies seeping through each other's shirts.

Yosuke muttered something that sounded suspiciously like _idiot_ as he turned on his heel and fled.

"I don't wanna hear it," he said as he reached the group. His face was red, he knew, and could only hope the fading light hid it. When he looked up, though, Rise was grinning widely. Even Kanji was looking at him with a little smirk. (Teddie, annoyingly, had his hands clasped under his chin, looking starstruck.)

"It's a start," she said brightly.

* * *

 

Souji headed back into the house, and he never would have admitted how unsteady his legs were. His skin felt like it was buzzing everywhere Yousuke had been pressed against him, and his head was light with the kiss that had almost been. And _Yosuke_ had initiated it. This wasn't panicked at a train station, Yosuke had been _thinking_ about it. He had to have been. It was in direct contradiction to the conversation they'd had in the hallway. Maybe. Souji was reading double and triple meanings into absolutely everything now, and it was driving him a little nuts. How many of the texts they had exchanged meant something other than what the words implied? What had he _missed_?

He started to form an excuse to go upstairs, but Dojima just waved a hand at him from behind his paper and Souji took it gratefully, disappearing into his room and pulling out his phone. He had some re-reading to do.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to Mala for Yosuke's comment about The Thing.


	5. Chapter 5

Souji took Nanako around the shopping district the next day, looking at the decorations being erected, and getting snacks on sticks.

They sat on a bench near the temple, eating their food. Nanako looked contemplative.

"Big bro?"

"Hm?" Souji had a mouthful of dango at the time.

"Do you love Yosuke?"

Souji now had a noseful of dango.

When he finally cleared his airways, he looked at Nanako with watering eyes. "What makes you ask that?"

"You kissed him," she said. "And then you guys hugged last night." Souji cursed the concept of windows. "Yosuke said it was complicated, but I don't think it is."

"You asked him?" Nanako nodded solemnly, and Souji suppressed a smile at the thought of Yosuke facing down Nanako at her most serious. "It can be," he said after a moment. "Sometimes, between certain people." He laid a hand on her hair, careful not to muss her pigtails. "We'll figure it out."

"I don't want you to be sad," she insisted. He smiled down at her.

"Thank you for worrying about me. But really, I'll be okay."

She looked down at her feet. "Okay," she said after a long moment. "I trust you."

"Thank you," he said genuinely, and they returned to enjoying the festival.

* * *

 

The group met up at the temple that night, sans Souji.

"He says he and Nanako got back home late," Rise said, flipping her phone shut. "They'll be here later."

Yosuke grimmaced. Teddie had pestered him all day about what had and hadn't happened at Souji's house, until he finally chased him off. He'd thought enough about that on his own; he didn't need the bear adding to what was rapidly becoming a complex. He _knew_ he was sending mixed signals, and he hated it. He knew what Kanji had been trying to beat into him all this time, and he was _trying_ to act on it, but his fear of fucking everything up kept overriding it in his mind.

_Being real is hard work, but it's worth it._

Souji carried Nanako on his back to where the festival lights were going up. The theory was that it would be faster than her walking, but he had forgotten how heavy she was. But he persevered, shifting her every so often until they came up on the start of the festival row.

Yukiko spotted them first, waving them over, and he let Nanako slide off his back, trying not to visibly wince.

"I wanna catch a goldfish!" was the first thing out of her mouth, and the others laughed as Teddie squealed in assent.

"Come on." Kanji offered Nanako his hand, and she took it with a smile. "We're gonna catch you the best fish they got."

They moved on through the festival, looking for the correct game booth. Yosuke glanced over at Souji has they walked, and found a small smile on his face.

"Thank you," he said, starling Yosuke slightly.

"What for?"

"Taking care of her." He paused. "For everything, really."

Yosuke's heart squeezed at that moment, and he reached out, grabbing Souji's arm. "Come with me."

"Wha - "

"Don't ask questions."

They found a place under the trees, where the lights didn't quite reach. There was just enough light to see each other by when Yosuke released Souji's arm, turning to look at him.

"Yosuke, what are you -"

"Still don't ask questions," Yosuke interrupted. "I just - let me get this out, okay?" His voice had a frantic, almost panicked edge to it that made Souji shut his mouth.

"I'm _sorry_ ," he started. "I'm an idiot. I've _been_ an idiot, and I've been blowing hot and cold at you, and I'm sorry. I spent a long, _long_ time in Kanji's room, trying to figure out how I felt about this, about _anything_ , about...about you." His voice was hushed now, and Souji's heart was doing double-time, providing a beat for the ball of anxiety bouncing around his stomach. "I...I'm still not sure. Not entirely. It's...hard for me, you know? Being...being real." His fists were clenching and unclenching, and he took a couple of steps forward. "But this...I think this is real. I don't know for sure. But I...I wanna find out." He reached out, laying a hand on Souji's shoulder. "If you'll let me."

His fingers closed in the fabric of Souji's shirt, and stayed there for a long moment. Souji could both see and feel the tension running up Yosuke's arm, and watched it release in the second before Yosuke pulled him forward and kissed him.

Yosuke was still a little taller than him, and their noses clashed together before they found a way to make it fit. But once they did, Souji gasped a little against his mouth, and Yousuke quietly agreed.

It was electric, and addictive. Yosuke moved his hand up around the back of Souji's neck, pulling him closer, and Souji's hands were on his waist, thumbs against his ribs. Yosuke's hand roamed over Souji's shoulder, down his arm and back up, cradling his face at one point before it flittered away again. There was no place he didn't want to touch him, nowhere that didn't feel _right_ under his palm. Souji was holding him steadily, not moving, aside from turning his head to deepen the kiss and send a new wave of electricity washing through Yosuke's nerves.

It could only have been a moment, but they were both gasping when they parted, and Yosuke rested his forehead against Souji's.

"Better than the first time, yeah?" He giggled a little, and Souji grinned.

"I don't know," he said quietly. "I figure it could use more practice."

He rose up on his tiptoes, just slightly, and kissed him again. Souji was leading the kiss this time, and all Yosuke could do was hang on. Souji's hand was warm against the back of his neck, just one more source of electricity shooting through him, the other hand on his hip pulling him closer, their bodies pressed together in a long line.

Yosuke was the one who broke the kiss, reluctantly, and with the belated realization that Souji had him backed up against a tree. He had no idea how he'd gotten there, but he wasn't complaining.

"We gotta stop," he whispered, breathless.

"Why?" Souji sounded affronted at the very idea. Yosuke slid his hands up Souji's shoulders, one thumb sliding along the line of his jaw.

"Because if we _don't_ , I'm don't think I'm _gonna._ "

He watched Souji's eyes go a little wider, and then a little darker, and he pressed his mouth to Yosuke's again in one last searing kiss - a promise for later.

People noticed them coming out of the trees and turned to each other, whispering. A scowl crossed Yosuke's face, and Souji immediately hated each and every one of them for removing the content, dreamy smile that had been there before.

He reached out and took Yosuke's hand firmly in his. Yosuke looked over at him, surprised, and Souji felt him start to pull away instinctively. But then he stopped, relaxing, and smiled sheepishly at him.

"Real," he murmured, and Souji nodded.

They were still holding hands when they approached the others, and Rise squealed in the highest pitch they'd heard her reach when she saw them.

" _Finally_!" She threw her arms around both of their necks, hugging them tightly. Yosuke felt a soft punch land on his shoulder - it had to be Kanji.

The group moved on with a general sense of cheer, and Nanako tugged on Souji's free hand.

"Yes?" He looked down into her serious little face.

"Is it still complicated?"

Souji looked over at Yosuke, and matched his smile when he looked back at Nanako.

"It's simpler now," he told her. It was the truth, and had the added effect of making her face light up.

"I'm glad. You two look happy when you're together." She ran off to join the others, exclaiming that she'd found the goldfish booth, and Souji just leaned his shoulder into Yosuke's.

"Simpler, huh?" Yosuke murmured.

"I mean, I feel like we've jumped the biggest hurdle."

"Ourselves?" Souji snorted at that.

"Some things never change, do they?"

* * *

 

The rest of the week was a blur of visiting with friends, spending time with Nanako, and long afternoons with Yosuke. He tried not to let the afternoons rush by, tried to commit them to memory as best he could. He knew he would come back, every chance he got, but he didn't know when the next time would be.

"This sucks," Yosuke said one time, as they lay together on Souji's sofa.

"Sorry," Souji said automatically. Yosuke swatted him gently on the head.

"You know that's not what I mean." His voice grew softer, sadder. "You only have one more day here. We just figured everything out and now you have to leave again."

Souji sat up, leaning into Yosuke and kissing him, long and slow. It was still like new, still sent electricity through him every time. Yosuke reached up and settled his hand against Souji's cheek, leaving it there when Souji pulled back.

"I'm coming back," he promised. "Every chance I get."

"You shouldn't have to leave at all," Yosuke muttered. "Your parents never should have taken you away."

"Well," Souji said, drawing it out. "If I hadn't left, I wouldn't have been at the train station, and none of this would have started."

Yosuke settled back against the arm of the sofa, one arm behind his head. "I like to think we would have gotten here eventually."

"If Rise and Kanji had anything to say about it," Souji muttered, laying against Yosuke's chest. He chuckled, and Souji closed his eyes as he felt it rumble through him. They laid there for a long time, Yosuke's hand threading through his hair, as Souji tried to commit the sound of Yosuke's heartbeat to memory.

Sooner than any of them would have liked, they were back at the train station. This time, after everyone else had said their goodbyes, Yosuke locked Souji in a tight embrace.

"This is stupid," he muttered.

"Agreed," Souji whispered into his shoulder. "I'll be back."

"You better." Yosuke's voice was growing tighter. They could hear the train approaching, and Souji felt his whole body tense.

"Yosuke -"

"Listen," Yosuke said quickly, almost desperately into his ear. "I'm still working on this...on being _real._ Figuring out what I'm feeling, about...everything." He swallowed, and held Souji more tightly against him. "I just want you to know, I don't have it all figured out yet, but -"

"I know, Yosuke, you don't _have_ to have it figured out -"

"I think I probably love you," Yosuke finished in a rush, and Souji froze. _Beyond impossible_ , his mind whispered at him, from months and months ago when even this, standing here in his arms, was confined to his dreams. Something welled up in him, a bubbly sort of feeling that had a smile growing across his face, pressed into Yosuke's shirt.

Yosuke was equally still against him, only moving when Souji pulled back to look up at him.

" _Probably_?" Souji said, laughing.

"Shut up," Yosuke groaned, the tension draining out of him. "You know how hard that was for me to say in public?"

"So you had to add a qualifier?" Souji was grinning, and he pulled Yosuke down by the shirt collar for a long kiss. Yosuke's arms went around him, and they stayed there like that as long as they could, until the train doors hissed open behind them.

"I love you too," Souji whispered against Yosuke's mouth, and turned to step onto the train. Yosuke was still standing there when he found a window seat, watching them until the train pulled away.

It was still sad. He still missed them, and there was the added pang of leaving Yosuke behind when they still had so much to work out between them.

But all in all, it was a much better train ride than last time.

* * *

_> >You're coming to visit, right?_

_savin up evry check <<_

_my folks r bein dicks abt it but if i pay 4 it i shd get 2 go, rite? <<_

_> >Yeah, they shouldn't be able to stop you. Just don't get too hotheaded about it, okay?_

_promise <<_

_> >Good._

_> >I can't wait for you to get here._

_me either. i miss u. <<_

_> >I miss you too._

_> >Plus this apartment is very empty. All the time. No one else here practically ever._

_y wld u do that <<_

_y wld u put those images in my head <<_

_when i cant do nethin abt it <<_

_cruel <<_

_> >More incentive for you to get here soon._

_ur my incentive <<_

_> >Sappy._

_u lov it <<_

_> >I love you._

_lov u 2 <<_

_partner <<_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's that. There's lots more possible misunderstandings in their future, but maybe Yosuke will eventually learn how to use his words, who knows. 
> 
> The title is from the now-defunct Midnight Channel Musical, specifically the song "Partners". 
> 
>  
> 
> _I'll be that needy friend_  
>  _Who calls ten times a day_  
>  _But I don't think that texting_  
>  _Would give my fears away_
> 
>  
> 
> So thanks to them for the inspiration! 
> 
> You can find other stuff by me at nochiwrites on tumblr. Most stuff ends up here eventually, but bits and bobs will be there first.


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